Friday, May 17, 2019

Now We Are Two

Violet had her second birthday last Sunday.  She did not have a birthday party.  Her parents do not think much of having parties for a one or two year old.  So while they will definitely have a third birthday party, she did not have one this year.

She hates her stroller now, and doesn't want to ride in it.  So my husband and I sent her a tricycle stroller for her birthday.  It is a full-sized tricycle but with a canopy and handles to make it a stroller as well.  It's a pretty large tricycle and she is not quite tall enough to reach the pedals so she uses the footrest.  When she no longer needs a stroller, the stroller parts can be removed and she will have a real tricycle that adjusts a lot so it will be the right size until she is six or so.  The trike/stroller is a genuine Bentley, made by the Bentley Motor Company.  My son said he always wanted to drive a Bentley and now he does.  Violet loves it because she can "steer" with the handlebars.

Violet and her Bentley  Yes, that's a Pink Floyd shirt.
Who doesn't love "Dark Side of the Moon"?

Violet's other big present was from her parents.  An outdoor gym, complete with slide, swings, ladders and a picnic table.  She loves going to a nearby park so she was really excited to have one in her own yard.  Before the workmen had driven off after assembling it, she grabbed her jacket and took it  to her father.  She climbed up the ladder and slid down the slide time and time again.  Her father told her she could come down the slide one more time and then they must go inside.  "Understand, Violet?  You may slide down one more time and then we go inside."  So Violet climbed up to the top of the slide.  She gave her father a defiant look and sat on the top of the slide.  Since she knew sliding down meant going inside, she simply sat there.  It's going to be an interesting year.

She loves the gym

Most readers know that Violet is adopted.  Her birth mother selected my son and his wife to be her parents when the adoption agency gave her several biographies and photographs of potential parents.  While my son and d-i-l would have preferred an open adoption, the birth mother wanted the adoption closed so they have never met her.  Immediately after the routine care after the birth, the little baby girl was taken to a room adjacent to the delivery room and handed to her adoptive parents.

Immediately after her birth in her new mother's arms

The hero of Violet's two years on earth is the courageous young woman who gave birth to her and who made two of the most difficult decisions any woman can make;  1.) to give birth and 2.) to have the baby adopted.  We are blessed and think of her often.  All of us still hope that some day she may want to be a part of Violet's life although we will continue to respect her decision.  Our son and d-i-l maintain a portfolio of Violet's life and send regular updates to the adoption agency to keep in case the birth mother wants to see the photographs.  And they have told the agency they would be happy to receive the mother in their home should she desire at any time to see Violet.

Instead of a birthday party on Violet's first birthday, our son and d-i-l held an open house for all the people who assisted in Violet's adoption.  Friends who wrote references and went for interviews, friends who helped get their house ready on short notice, the social workers from the adoption agency and others involved in any way dropped by for champagne and hors d'oeuvre and left with a small potted plant.  A violet, of course.

And beginning with her birth and both Mother's Days since Violet's parents plant violets in their natural yard in honor of the woman who gave them the most precious gift possible.

Violets are symbolic of love and harmony

Today's quotes come from birth mothers written anonymously.  They are the true heroes of the adoption story.  While people say how lucky the child is, the truth is how lucky the adoptive parents are.

"A mother's love for her child is like no other.  To be able to put that feeling aside because you want the best for your child is the most unselfish thing I know."

"He is mine in a way he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way he will never be mine.  So together we are motherhood."

"If you love someone unconditionally and with your whole heart, then you will do what is best for them, not you.  I have never learned a harder lesson than giving my child up for adoption, and I probably never will.




Vicki Lane said...

What a lovely story! Violet is such a darling. And the Bentley trike/stroller is amazing! As is the jungle gym -- maybe there's one of those in our future . . .

And as you say -- many thanks to the birth mother for choosing such a good family for Violet!

Sue said...

Our grandson and his wife have spent 3 years waiting for a baby. The first birth mother took the baby boy back after a was like a death in the family. He eventually ended up in foster care despite attempts to have him back. The 2nd birth mother disappeared right before birth. Last month, the 3rd birth mother chose them and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last week. So far, and we are holding our breaths, she is content with her decision. (She has 2 very young children and no support).
It is a painful agonizing and very expensive process. It is unknown yet if the birth mother will have any further contact. Enjoy beautiful Violet. These babies are a true gift. (And thanks for the Bentley idea !! )

Sue said...

Thx for the note back.....I have followed your blog for several years and find that we have similar interests.....and opinions !! I am also a retired RN ! And we looked seriously at Brevard when we were looking for a retirement home. Beautiful natural area and I so enjoy your views.
Yes, birth mothers are mostly brave courageous women who give the greatest gift. But not all are well intentioned and the adoptive families are equally brave to venture into this emotional minefield with no promise of a good outcome.
I look forward to sharing happy pictures soon but still holding our breath...... (waiting for court date )

Lowcarb team member said...

Such a lovely post.
I did enjoy seeing the photographs of Violet, she is so lovely, and I do like the Bentley trike/stroller it does look good.

Blessings to all.

All the best Jan

The Bug said...

Violet is so adorable. That Bentley is GENIUS!

My brother and his wife used the foster to adopt program in our county. The first two placements ended with the mother/grandmother taking the children back. Thankfully the third time the agency kept the baby for the week that the mother had to change her mind so that Joe & Bren didn't have that heart wrenching experience again. Jena recently turned 17 & is beautiful!

Busy Bee Suz said...

This post grabbed my heart and brought on a few tears. Violets birth Mother is one of the bravest women-I can't imagine what she felt/went through for Violet to have a good life.
I love the Bentley!! Wishing her a beautiful and defiant second year. :)

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

First, the story about Violet's birth mother and her adoption was a beautiful tribute to everyone. And planting the violets every year is very special and will continue to hold such meaning. My brother and his wife adopted 2 daughters who married last year and will be mothers themselves later this year. The miracle of birth continues.
Nice to read about Vilet's Bentley and your son now has bragging rights too! Happy Birthday #2 to a child who definitely has her own mind, as it should be.
FYI I can drive after my recent cataract surgery and no longer need glasses for distance vision. However, I do need reading glasses for close-up. Thanks for the comment on our blog. We're looking forward to seeing some of NC on our current road trip.

Nance said...

I'm so glad that Violet's story has such a wonderful ending/beginning for her and her parents.
It's clear that she is growing up happy and nurtured to be herself with an independent and intelligent spirit.

Anonymous said...

What a loving, rich story about Violet's birth and beginnings. She is quite the adorable two-year old, and she found herself in the arms and heart of the most loving family.

KB said...

You made my eyes water with happiness for how it has all turned out. I love Violet from a distance. She has a mind of her own, and that will help her throughout her life. I am overjoyed at the decisions that Violet's birth mother made. I'm sure that it's a bit painful for her... which is why she can't be part of Violet's life now.... but maybe later. I do KNOW that Violet has all the love that she could ever want from her birth family, including you!

I love love love the trike stroller! What a wonderful gift.

Tara said...

My eyes are more than watering -- they are out and out CRYING. What a story of Violet. It is wonderful that her parents are keeping the agency updated in case her birth mother ever wants to see her. They have big hearts, those two. She is adorable, and lives surrounded by love. Thanks so much for posting this.

KGMom said...

Oh, so lovely to read this story. While this post is about your family's experience--and Violet's joining your lives, it resonates so with the experiences of some of those commenting here, including me.
Our son and DIL tried in vitro, several times, unsuccessfully. Then pursued adoption overseas--Russia. Just in time for Putin to shut down all U.S. adoptions of Russian children.
Then adoption here. Their experience was similar to the one Sue (commented above)described. Our son and DIL were chosen by a mother in Texas. They flew from San Diego to Texas. At first, the birth mother was reluctant to let them see the baby girl. Then she finally did. On day 3 after the baby's birth, she let them see and hold the baby. And then signed the initial papers. They took the baby. But two hours later, the mother called and said--bring her back.
Our son and DIL were devastated.
The following year, again they were "picked." This time all went well, and the birth mother gave the marvelous gift of the baby girl to her new parents. And I think frequently of her wonderful gift.

Gene Bach said...

Looks like an active kid for sure. Good for you all!

NCmountainwoman said...

Thank you for your comments, everyone.

Vicki - Yes, the gym set is a big hit. I also saw a great idea for a sandbox. It was a small pop-up tent with side zippers to open flaps for netting so more light could get in. It also had a front door zipper. So it was a light and airy place to play with sand and everything could be closed with zippers to keep any wandering cats or animals to drop in when the child was not playing in it. It also kept the sand confined so it wasn't scattered all over the place.

Sue - We do have a lot in common. In their state the court date is a formality to give the birth father a chance to come forward. But they do not seek him out. The decision of the birth mother is irrevokable once she signs the adoption papers before the child is given to the adoptive parents. In their case, the birth mother had already told the adoption agency the birth father knew of the pregnancy and wanted no part of the baby. In fact, he had urged the mother to have an abortion so there was little likelihood he would have come forward. I do hope things go well and you soon have a new grandchild.

Jan - We got the Bentley because it will last for a long time. The tires are air-filled and more comfortable and it has several adjustments to make it the perfect size as the child grows.

Dana - Oh, how heartbreaking that must have been. But how wonderful to have such a great result.

Suz - All of us are hoping that the birth mother will someday want to be a part of Violet's life. We have a feeling she might be a college student since she did not see a doctor until the pregnancy was pretty advanced. One of her criteria for potential parents was that they be educated with good income. A bonus was that our son was to be the stay-at-home parent. She never had a good relationship with her father and she wanted her child to be close to his/her dad.

Beatrice - Thank you for your comments. Our son and d-i-l can hardly wait until Violet can help more with planting the Violets and really understand the meaning behind the planting.

Nance - She does indeed have an independent spirit. Our d-i-l keeps lip balm on a table in the nursery in case she is up at night with Violet. Violet often picks it up but when they tell her to put it back where she got it she does. Recently she looked at my son when he told her to put it down. She looked rather defiantly at him and he repeated "Violet, put it down." He usually said "Put it back where you got it." She looked straight at him, opened her little hand and let it drop to the floor. Then she turned and walked out of the room in the "drop the mic" mode. Our son said he felt certain that had she possessed the vocabulary she would have said, "You said to put it down, not put it back."

Robin - She has quite a sense of humor even at her young age.

KB - We are all hoping to meet her birth mother some day. If not, Violet will always see the records they are sending to the adoption and will help in planting the violets every Mother's Day.

Tara - They do indeed have big hearts. They hoped to have a baby the old-fashioned way but they could not love a child more if she were genetically theirs.

Donna - We all know how very fortunate they were in getting a baby so soon. In fact, the birth mother selected them the week following their completion of all the paperwork and classes. They had been told that the usual wait time was more than a year.

Gene - Yes, and we wouldn't have it any other way.